Biography

Since biographies are boring, I think I'll talk about a random subject... How about... pants!

Pants are special. There are so many different kinds of pants that I can't begin to explain it. There are big pants, tight pants, cropped pants, and ugly pants, to name a few. Yet no matter the variety of pants in the world, at least ten people are probably wearing the same pair RIGHT NOW! Despite the fact that I just made that figure up, it's probably true.

At the moment, I'm wearing pants. IMAGINE THAT! They're rather big pants. They're green, and parachute material, but not quite so drapy as you might think. They have pockets about halfway down my thigh, and those pockets have a little strap that goes through a loop that snaps to keep them shut. I have money in the pockets now. There is also a little strap with a snap at the bottom, and two places where you can attach it in order to cinch the pants up to different levels. Very special, these pants are. They're quite baggy too, which is fun. They sit comfortably on my hips, with a shoelace-like drawstring to hold them up. There are also these shoelace-like things around the cuffs, though they don't do much. The pants fit close for a bit past the hips, and though they don't flare out, they're still quite baggy and loose and foldy and such. They are really quite awesome, to tell the truth.

You see?! Even a simple description of a pair of pants makes a fair-sized paragraph! Imagine if I were wearing raver pants, complete with slots for glow-sticks! Just imagine the description for that! So, pants needing such big descriptions, they must be awesome.

They aren't just nifty to look at either! They keep you warm, and covered in what is hoped to be a decent way. If necessary, you could stitch several pairs together to make a blanket, or a tent, or something to shield yourself from the elements.

Plus they've got pockets, most of the time. You can actually carry things around in your pants, unlike shirts. And they can automatically make anything a joke, by simply adding 'in my pants' to the end.

Also, pants present an interesting gramatical dillemma. You don't say "a pants", you say "a pair of pants". What is paired about pants? The legs! So.. would a single leg from a pair of pants be a pant? Not in English it wouldn't! Nope, it's a pant-leg. Somehow, thanks to the Screw-Up-Grammar Powers of the English language, pants make gramatical sense, and still retain their own Powers of Awesome.

Of course, how could pants not be awesome if I can write a whole bio about them? Honestly, if they weren't fantastic, there would be next to nothing to write. I mean, you can always write "pants are cool", and that's something, but not much so it's right beside- or 'next to'- nothing. There there can never be nothing to write, there's always something, it's just not necessarily something anyone cares about, like when the first pants came into being, or what the price of pants in Spain is, or who wears what brand of pants and other garbage like that. Who cares about that? Not me, and not my pants. We could think of something far more interesting to ask, my pants and I, such as "When, exactly, IS pantsless o'clock?"

So, in conclusion, pants: they're what's for dinner. Thank you.