Cooking Ist Wunderbar by @jessratte (Jessica Ratté)

(Forgive the random spaces and stuff in the description, I just copied and pasted the description from DeviantART :) )

I'm useless in the kitchen.

My boyfriend will probably say otherwise, because apparently some of the things I've concocted over the years we've lived together are apparently really good, but quite honestly I've just been known to throw random things together and hope for the best.

I have no idea how to measure things. I look at instructions like "quarter cup" or "1/3" and I freak out. How the hell am I supposed to measure that WHEN ALL I HAVE IS A CUP AND AN EGG?? I usually, when measuring things, just throw what I THINK is a third, or a quarter, or half, and hope for the best. I have this fascination with cooking things too high because I want them to cook faster, thus I usually burn things, and I'm completely useless at flipping things like omelettes or pancakes. They usually end up resembling a deflated soccer ball. I marinate chicken with random sauces and hope they will taste okay, and I completely freak out when I can't open cans with the can opening (I've been known to start screaming and yelling when trying to open a can of tuna to make a tuna sandwich before I go to work.), and usually opt for banging and smashing my way to an open can. Sometimes I get so fed up that said can will usually remain in the fridge somewhat open looking like the Tazmanian Devil tried to whiz through it, with a baggy over it (because my theory is that anything with a baggy over it that is open and is put into the fridge will not go bad.) I often have trouble determining if pieces of meat have gone bad, and only realize when I've ate halfway through that "Gosh, this meat kinda tastes wonky.".

Ladies and gentlemen, I am, in fact, and Undomestic Goddess.

And, oftentimes, I like to give my characters the same qualities I have.

Melanie, Niko, Taylor and Cody all live in a house together, and each one seems to take on a role of their own. You see, Taylor is motherly and often nags the others and is always there to whip up something for their flu or other ailments they may have. Cody is the tempermental teenager who doesn't give a crap. Niko is somewhat fatherly. And poor Melanie gets the fantastic role of being the "youngest in the family" and usually has the others noses into her business. LOLs are to be had.

Melanie, like me, admits that shes pretty useless when it comes to cooking. Niko, however, is very good at domestic deeds and has been known to multitask cooking, taking calls for people, cleaning, and giving advice all at the same time. So, as Melanie attempts to make things, and can't figure out a tea spoon from a "regular spoon" ("I mean, how the hell do you measure BUTTER anyway? Melt it down??" ), and a cup from a quarter cup, Niko is more than happy to help her, because he thinks cooking is wundarbar!

So, here we see Niko telling Melanie all about tea spoons and table spoons and cups and pounds and all that other fun stuff, while Melanie just feels so deflated and thinks it would just be so much easier to go out for dinner instead or punk pre-made leftover food from her mom. Nonsense, Niko says! We'll make our own bread! And our own Black forest cake! And our own 5 course meal! For it is fun!

Melanie doesn't really think its fun. XD

As a lot of you know, I've been trying to just draw different things and involve backgrounds and stuff, so this was an earlier attempt at doing so. I used to draw situational pictures all the time, then one day I decided that drawing characters standing around doing nothing was much more enthralling. Well, now I've switched gears and now I find drawing characters with actual backgrounds that are more exciting more enthralling. :icondurrhurrplz:

Now, I realize that this is a really simple background, but DAMMIT I'M REALLY PROUD IF IT. This was done a little while back (we all know by now that I fail at uploading things within the month I actually draw them.) and this was how I used to do my backgrounds... I would "lightly" ink them because I didn't want the background to overpower the characters, and while I've decided not to do this anymore (and I actually use rulers nao.) I still like how this one came out. I realize its really simple, but its just supposed to indicate they are in a kitchen (not like it takes a genius or something to realize that most people cook in the kitchen. But who knows. Maybe they do it outside. Which would be good for me, because then I could draw lots and lots of trees. :iconlarryplz:) and I dunno about you, but DAMMIT THAT TOASTER IS AWESOME.

everyone blinks....silence.

rolls eyes That thing is the background that looks like a UFO is supposed to be a toaster. It's a really round, retro toaster, okay? /product design fail. :iconimsarcasticplz:

I often like to picture what my characters living spaces look like in my head, and I sorta pictured their kitchen being really clean but no funky colours like some of my other characters would have their kitchens/living spaces. So I did a borin' old white and light brown combo. I like how it came out tho, especially since originally I wasn't even going to add anything in the background. I was probably just going to draw a giant square in the background again. But then again, one could also theorize that the cabinets there are really just squares DISGUISED as cabinets. :iconwooooplz: IF YOU CAN'T DEFEAT THEM....YOU MUST...BECOME THEM /epic scary music that is supposed to scare you but doesn't.

I also, secretly, wanted to see what Niko and Melanie would look like together. Mac doesn't like this at all, but I think it's precious. Niko sorta has a thing for Melanie, but is much too in love with Taylor to really even consider a relationship.

Which works out good because Melanie is much too in love with Mac to -

roundhouse kick to the face from Melanies stilettos

DENIAL ISN'T JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT, MELANIE.

But anyway. Once again Niko amazes us with his TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL, LUSCIOUS, THICK, SHINY HAIR. I seriously want to reach out and touch it.

Niko probably gets so much hair action, seriously. With those beautiful, Bavarian locks of his.

Anyway. I'm overall happy with how this one came out, a few things of course that I have issues with, like how Niko kinda looks like he's slowly morphing into a giraffe... I dunno what was going on, I guess I was trying to not make it look like he was shrugging or something like I sometimes end up doing when I'm drawing characters sideways... I just mess up their shoulders and stuff. So now, I guess my makeshift option of drawing characters on their sides is to draw them as giraffes. Melanie was kinda hard to draw, even tho she really isn't in the picture all that much (if that makes sense....) I dunno. I guess she has a magical, additional finger on her wrist or something to hold both of those spoons like that. Just pretend they are falling out.

I was originally going to make the stuff that is coming out of bowl and on the counter white, like, you know, pancake mix or something. Then I had a vision of it looking suspiciously like semen and then this picture would take on a whole other meaning. So I decided to add some...grey...and like..brown and stuff. So now it doesn't look like semen. Instead, it looks like puke.

Theres a fail everywhere when theres Jess!

And for some reason, I feel as if Niko wants to spank Melanie with one of those spoons. Seriously. I'm sure he secretly does, but my original intent was that he was showing Melanie what all the different spoons were for. (When it comes to cooking. Not sex. XD)

I like Melanies little air poofy. (That little thing infront of her face that you all probably think is a magical cotton ball hanging out). I was attempting to make it look like she was either fed up or deflated, so yes. Awww this was so much fun :D

They're pretty cute together, actually. WE JUST MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING HERE.

This picture makes me hungry. Unfortunately, I'm all out of food that I don't have to cook. Dammit. eats her hand Ew. I taste like fail!

Anyway, just a cute little picture of Niko and Melanie, all cooking like :icondelightfulplz: Niko and Melanie are © to Jess Ratte :D